Have You Seen Her?

Have you seen her?

She often exits the service before the preaching is finished to retrieve an unhappy child.

Have you seen her?

She may rush in at the last moment and let out a sigh of relief to finally have the whole family at their destination.

But have you seen her?

She wears many hats within the children's ministries at the church, and she has become a teacher whether or not that is her gift.

Yes, have you seen the young mothers within the church?

The mothers who love their church.

The mothers who want to serve.

The mothers who are often serving while simultaneously trying to keep track of their children and hopefully hear the sermon.

The Daily Life of a Young Mother

Before we even talk about Sunday, we should talk about the daily life of a young mother.

I am just beginning my journey through this stage of life, but I can tell you that much of the day is spent caring for little people who need me for nearly everything.

My daily life involves feeding, changing diapers, dressing, teaching, comforting, discipline, and cleaning messes.

Many other tasks fill the days of other mothers. Many are in the throes of schooling and may even answer what feels like a thousand questions a day.

What I do know is that one universal experience of motherhood is daily interruption.

A quiet moment in the morning that was intended to be for Bible reading is interrupted by a little voice crying or calling for Mommy from the next room.

Prayer and quiet moments are few and far between.

The quiet time after bedtime holds a very different distraction called exhaustion.

She loves her children deeply and wants to grow in the Lord amidst the busyness of these days. She wants to know His Word. She wants to pray. She wants to grow, even when devotionals are few and far between and prayer feels like a luxury.

Then Sunday Comes

For some mothers, there is no children's class available because they attend a small church. For others, there may be a children's ministry, but they are serving in it themselves because without everyone volunteering, there would be no children's ministry at all.

And sometimes she does have the opportunity to sit in the service—but before long, a child needs her. So she quietly gathers her things, slips out of the room, and misses another portion of the sermon.

Sometimes she hears only pieces of the message.

Sometimes she spends more time in the nursery than in the sanctuary.

Sometimes she serves so that other families can sit and listen.

And sometimes she wonders, When do I get to be fed?

This is often the reality of motherhood within the church.

Mothers are not less hungry for God's Word because they are holding a baby in the nursery. They are not less devoted because they missed the sermon while caring for a toddler. They are not less faithful because their Bible reading happens in five-minute pieces throughout the day.

But many of them are doing their very best to love both their families and their church faithfully, often while carrying more than anyone else can see.

My Experience on Sundays

According to a few quick searches, the median weekly attendance for Protestant or evangelical churches in the U.S. is around 60–65 people.

Before we moved, I had never experienced a small (median-sized) church, and never as a mother.

When God moved us so my husband could serve as pastor, I had very little idea of how my Sundays would change.

The responsibility of getting my baby ready in the morning and to church rested solely on me.

I no longer had my husband sitting beside me during the service, and I couldn't simply hand her to him when things got difficult.

At the time we moved, Aliza was the only child who was nursery-aged, and in my mind, it didn't make sense to have someone else sit out of the service to watch only my child.

For a while, we did not have a staffed nursery within our church, and during that time, I only sat in the service once.

On Sundays, it became very difficult to fellowship, worship, and sit under God's Word.

That was a really hard transition for me, as I was a new mom in a new place and just getting to know our congregation.

I desired connection and spiritual encouragement, but found myself spiritually dry.

I don't share this because I believe the church failed me. In fact, my experience has made me more compassionate toward the challenges small churches face. I know firsthand how difficult it can be to find volunteers, staff children's ministries, and make everything work.

But I also know what it feels like to be the mother sitting alone in the nursery, wondering when she will get to simply sit among God's people and hear His Word.

I am very thankful that the people in our church saw the need, and we now have the blessing of three children in our staffed nursery and the ability to watch the service.

The Need for Workers

The reality of children's ministries in a small congregation is that there aren't endless volunteers. There may be only a handful of families with children. So the same mothers can find themselves serving repeatedly.

But my dear friends, you can genuinely love your church and love serving while also acknowledging that serving can sometimes come at a cost to a young mother.

The Challenges and Blessings of Motherhood in a Small Church

Within a small church, there may be only a few mothers in your stage of life, so you don't have the option to "click" with someone in order to be friends. But this is actually a blessing that pushes us out of our comfort zones to be friends with those outside of our age group and also engage more deeply with those you wouldn't normally choose.

In a small church, there may not be ten young mothers who understand exactly what you're experiencing.

But there may be:

An older woman who has already walked through what we are experiencing now and gladly holds your baby.

A grandmother who lets your toddler sit beside her.

Someone who notices you're overwhelmed and takes your child for five minutes.

Someone who loves your children as though they're her own.

Someone who asks, "How are you doing?" and actually wants the truth and cares about the answer.

A church Grandpa and Grandma who love your children like family.

Sometimes the people who don't share your stage of motherhood can still become part of your support.

A small church may not have a large children's program or a huge group of young mothers.

But it can have people who know your children by name and love them deeply.

Mothers Need the Ministry of the Church

Now, dear reader, I want you to understand the point of what I am writing today.

Mothers need the ministry of the church just as much as they are needed by the ministry of the church.

A young mother can be incredibly valuable to the church—but she also desperately needs the support of the church.

She needs the preaching.

She needs fellowship.

She needs encouragement.

She needs someone to pray with her.

She needs someone to notice when she's tired.

She needs to be discipled—not just recruited.

You could ask:

Are we asking mothers to pour into the church without making sure that the church is pouring back into them?

Have You Seen Her?

Maybe you've seen the mother walking out of the service with the crying toddler.

Maybe you've seen her rushing into church with her children.

Maybe you've seen her teaching the children's class.

But I hope you've also:

Encouraged her.

Prayed with her.

Checked in with her throughout the week.

Loved on her children.

Gone beyond small talk to deeper spiritual conversations.

I pray that the next time you see the young mother in your church, you see:

The mother who is tired but still showing up.

The woman who wants to grow in the Lord.

The sister who needs to be encouraged, discipled, and cared for.

The woman who needs the church just as much as the church needs her.

Have you seen her?

Email

laura@thegentlehaven-blog.com

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